melt myself like ice

The other day Grayson grabbed a tiny handful of my belly; soft from years of neglect and pregnancy, full of the scars of becoming a mother. I was embarrassed. My two year old son doesn't understand fat or thin. He loves me unconditionally. The thing is I don't and all I could think is, "One day, I will be the butt of 'fat mom' jokes if I don't take control of my life.

Current weight: 197.2 (eight weeks post-partum)

Year in scary review.

It has been nearly a year since my last post. During the time I've been away, I became pregnant and had the biggest health scare of my life to date when I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. Requiring the use of insulin twice a day and the fact that having GDM raises the chance that I will have adult onset diabetes scared the bejesus out of me.

Also, my generally healthy beast of a father had a heart attack and triple bypass surgery all because of high cholesterol. I too have been blessed with genetically high cholesterol. Being overweight is another major risk factor of heart disease, so my eyes have officially been opened to see just how unhealthy I am. Time to change for real and for good.

Now that Grayson is almost two and running around like a maniac, I want to be able to do everything with him and I simply can't because of my size. Time goes so fast and I don't want to miss out on all the fun because I'm too fat to do things.

Pre preggo weight: 204lbs
End of preggo weight: 220 lbs
Current weight (7 wks post-partum): 198

Honestly, the numbers don't matter to be. I just want to look and feel good. They are just a way for me to track progress.

May 19, 2012

A few of my favorite shots from Gray's birthday party:

Looking back

A coworker once told me about her sister who took photos of her child with the same teddy bear every month. It inspired me to document Grayson's growth by taking monthly photos with his first soccer ball. I'm so glad I did because of the end result. Happy birthday baby boy. I'm so in love with you!

Feeling good.

My weight loss journey has not been hugely successful yet, but I've found a new motivation. Instead of picking a special event or holiday I want to look good for months in advance, I'm trying to find one every week or two. When I have months, my mentality is not where it needs to be because I think, "Oh well, that is far away, I'll exercise tomorrow." By having dates that are closer, I have to be more accountable. Coming up:
May 12-Adult Prom party
May 19-Grayson's 1st Birthday party
May 26-a friend's birthday celebration
June 2-a get together with friends I only see every few months
June 9-a wedding reception
I'm excited to see the changes I make between now and June 9th.

Ouch

I was so excited to see this photo on Facebook. I actually thought I looked pretty good, until I saw the comment. That makes me want to cry and punch that biotch in her nasty mouth. People can be so hurtful.

Pauly D-Day

In a little more than 96 hours, I will be at Harrah's Resort in AC for DJ Pauly D's residency kick-off. I cannot freaking wait. However, there is much to take care of beforehand, like finding the right outfit. Any suggestions?