Since my last post, I've been making a concerted effort to exercise. What that has amounted to is 3 workouts in the last 9 days. Not too good, but it's better than ZERO.
In February, hubby and I are taking our little love on his first vacation to Disney. My goal for the days that we can lounge by the pool is to be able to rock the sexy one-piece I wore pre-prego. MILFness here I come!
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Saturday, November 5, 2011
fat
Ok so here it is. I am fat. I am. I am not saying this to fish for compliments because I truly have become fat. Not just overweight or "I could lose a few pounds" actually fat. According to my BMI (which may or may not be BS) I am obese.
My weight is something that has affected me nearly my whole life. The first time I remember thinking I was fat was in 7th grade. I was 12 years old. I remember feeling the way my jeans would be tight and a little roll of flesh would go over them when I sat down. Looking back, I was not fat then, just going through puberty and I had a little extra chub here and there. Those thoughts stayed with me. Even when I was cheerleading throughout high school and getting great workouts and I was in the best shape of my life, I still thought Iwas fat. I weighed 140 pounds.
After my pregnancy, I lost all 40 pounds that I gained plus about 3 extra, probably from nursing. When I stopped nursing, the weight started piling back on faster than I believed it could. Before I knew it, I had gained 14 pounds back. FOURTEEN.
I am so ashamed, disgusted, depressed and disappointed that I let this happen. I need to change. I've been saying this for years and not doing anything. I kept waiting until the right time, which would be when exactly? I always seem to have the perfect excuse, I have no time, I'm too tired, I have school work, etc. What I am really saying is I'm too lazy, I'm too afraid, What if I fail?, etc.
This ends now. I have NEVER EVER told people how much I weigh because it literally would cripple me with embarrassment. I am hoping that since no one actually reads this, that I am still not telling anyone how much I weigh. I am using this blog as a last ditch effort to turn my life around so Ican start enjoying it again. As of this morning. I weigh 192, stark naked. Let the games begin.
My weight is something that has affected me nearly my whole life. The first time I remember thinking I was fat was in 7th grade. I was 12 years old. I remember feeling the way my jeans would be tight and a little roll of flesh would go over them when I sat down. Looking back, I was not fat then, just going through puberty and I had a little extra chub here and there. Those thoughts stayed with me. Even when I was cheerleading throughout high school and getting great workouts and I was in the best shape of my life, I still thought Iwas fat. I weighed 140 pounds.
After my pregnancy, I lost all 40 pounds that I gained plus about 3 extra, probably from nursing. When I stopped nursing, the weight started piling back on faster than I believed it could. Before I knew it, I had gained 14 pounds back. FOURTEEN.
I am so ashamed, disgusted, depressed and disappointed that I let this happen. I need to change. I've been saying this for years and not doing anything. I kept waiting until the right time, which would be when exactly? I always seem to have the perfect excuse, I have no time, I'm too tired, I have school work, etc. What I am really saying is I'm too lazy, I'm too afraid, What if I fail?, etc.
This ends now. I have NEVER EVER told people how much I weigh because it literally would cripple me with embarrassment. I am hoping that since no one actually reads this, that I am still not telling anyone how much I weigh. I am using this blog as a last ditch effort to turn my life around so Ican start enjoying it again. As of this morning. I weigh 192, stark naked. Let the games begin.
Perspective
When I became a brand new mommy almost 6 months ago, I'm not going to lie, things were difficult. Trying to scrounge up the energy to do ANYTHING unrelated to Grayson was an impossibility. My only duty in life for at least the first eight weeks was being a cow. Not in the self-loathing "why am I so fat?" sense, but in the literal sense because Grayson was eating every 1.5-2 hours. An eating schedule like that leaves little room for anything else, much-needed sleep included. To be fair, Grayson DID start sleeping through the night at about 6 weeks, which is apparently ridiculously early according to the reactions I got when answering the question of "how does he sleep?" though he rarely napped during the day.
At about 3 months, things settled down tremendously. He was eating every 3-3.5 hours, sleeping in frequent, though short, periods throughout the day and still sleeping through the night with the occasional pre-dawn rousing. Now,I actually go to bed some nights hoping he will wake up just so I can spend that much more time with him. I have since stopped nursing due to low milk supply since going back to work and there are days when I LONG to feel like a cow again. The closeness you feel with your baby during nursing sessions cannot be beat by anything in the whole world and I desperately miss it, but that is a whole other story.
The point here is that your baby grows and changes so rapidly and every difficult phase is fleeting in the grand scheme of things. Savor every last bit of every sleepless night, every crying fit, every smile, every milestone, every everything because it all goes by too quickly.
At about 3 months, things settled down tremendously. He was eating every 3-3.5 hours, sleeping in frequent, though short, periods throughout the day and still sleeping through the night with the occasional pre-dawn rousing. Now,I actually go to bed some nights hoping he will wake up just so I can spend that much more time with him. I have since stopped nursing due to low milk supply since going back to work and there are days when I LONG to feel like a cow again. The closeness you feel with your baby during nursing sessions cannot be beat by anything in the whole world and I desperately miss it, but that is a whole other story.
The point here is that your baby grows and changes so rapidly and every difficult phase is fleeting in the grand scheme of things. Savor every last bit of every sleepless night, every crying fit, every smile, every milestone, every everything because it all goes by too quickly.
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