melt myself like ice

The other day Grayson grabbed a tiny handful of my belly; soft from years of neglect and pregnancy, full of the scars of becoming a mother. I was embarrassed. My two year old son doesn't understand fat or thin. He loves me unconditionally. The thing is I don't and all I could think is, "One day, I will be the butt of 'fat mom' jokes if I don't take control of my life.

Current weight: 197.2 (eight weeks post-partum)

Year in scary review.

It has been nearly a year since my last post. During the time I've been away, I became pregnant and had the biggest health scare of my life to date when I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. Requiring the use of insulin twice a day and the fact that having GDM raises the chance that I will have adult onset diabetes scared the bejesus out of me.

Also, my generally healthy beast of a father had a heart attack and triple bypass surgery all because of high cholesterol. I too have been blessed with genetically high cholesterol. Being overweight is another major risk factor of heart disease, so my eyes have officially been opened to see just how unhealthy I am. Time to change for real and for good.

Now that Grayson is almost two and running around like a maniac, I want to be able to do everything with him and I simply can't because of my size. Time goes so fast and I don't want to miss out on all the fun because I'm too fat to do things.

Pre preggo weight: 204lbs
End of preggo weight: 220 lbs
Current weight (7 wks post-partum): 198

Honestly, the numbers don't matter to be. I just want to look and feel good. They are just a way for me to track progress.